My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
