Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This house was built for laser tag.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
