he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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