If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
