Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
