This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
