My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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