So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
