I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
