It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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