is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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