I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We left the knife in your bed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
