she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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