There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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