I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
