I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
