Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
