anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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