I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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