last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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