u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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