a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.