Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
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Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here