Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.