I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
