Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
