no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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