I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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