I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
