You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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