I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
