dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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