we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
