So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
