Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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