hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize