Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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