I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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