Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
