Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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