Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
