It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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