did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
