I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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