you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
