dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
