i don't like sucking hair
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
