im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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