Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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