Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
