Redeem this text for a blowjob
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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