idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
