I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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