Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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