recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
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Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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