Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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