i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
