I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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