its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm too high and old for this...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
