are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
