im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
