Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize