Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you had me at cake vodka
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
