you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
