I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
