now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
