guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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