You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
