Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
